The happiness of others...

Living in Washington one thing that I can say about almost everyone, is that we are haters. I've had the pleasure of meeting many people in many different social circles. In these circles it's safe to say that from a psychology standpoint, every gathering is a social experiment. To watch people be so friendly to someone to their face and then turn around and bad mouth those same friends the minute they aren't around is baffling. I cannot say that I am not guilty of a little smack talk every now and then...and I'm working on not being that kind of person. I will say however that I'll never say anything behind your back I haven't, or wouldn't say to your face. Also, if something happened...it's not smack talk, it's stating facts. My point is this; before I let this get out of control and spin off into some garbage monster, we need to be happy for the happiness of others.

We would be doing ourselves a great injustice if we see something good happening to or for someone else and go out of our way to find some negative that makes us feel better. You know how that saying goes, "good things happen to good people." If you don't practice this, you will always be miserable and no good will come to you. You'll never see the good because you're so focused on the bad. I've had the pleasure of meeting 3 women and probably two men in my life that I consider to be truly "good" people. They never really have a bad thing to say about anyone, always look for the silver lining even on the worst day...and seem to always have good things happening to them, but they're never that worried about it. This is the way we all need to be. We should work to be happier instead of the opposite, because that just takes too much effort. We should praise everyone most of the time because the people that mess up are only human. If you can't be the person someone can look to for the example to be set, how will they ever learn?

Give love more, be happy more often and watch the others around you blossom...teach someone without even trying.

Verbal communication...

Have you ever heard the way some people communicate? Do you sometimes hear things just roll off of the tongue and cringe inside? I heard someone during a phone conversation say something (it doesn't matter what) to a person I know they love that threw me. When they hung up, my initial thought was "have I ever made anyone feel the way that just came across?" In a few short words, in a conversation that was probably pretty common place for the suspect, I wanted to jump up and say, "if you feel as tired of that person as you sound, why are you even talking to them?" I understand a lot of people don't think the way that I do, but wow. You can't help but think back on old conversations, maybe even times you weren't really upset with someone and said something or used a tone that in retrospect, you wouldn't ever consciously treat someone. There is a very small space between saying what's on your mind, or expressing your feelings and thinking about what you say before you say it. I'll be the first to tell you that I write (maybe not grammatically correct at times) better than I'll ever write in person, because typing and texting gives me time to think.

I suppose todays moral is that when you find yourself in a situation that is getting out of hand, or changing your mood in a way that isn't positive, think about it. Before you have the ability to direct your foot all the way up to your mouth, remove yourself from the situation. Ask the person if you can call them back in a few minutes so that you can gather your thoughts. Be even more honest than the prior fix and tell them exactly how you feel, but keep it about you. Don't get into the details of what you're talking about, but be clear that you're thoughts are getting a little jumbled, or that you feel yourself getting upset. The fix could be easier than you'd ever think, if you just take a minute away from the conversation to process what is happening. Treat the people you love, like you love them...the people you like, like you like them...and anyone that doesn't fit into either of those categories, you probably shouldn't be talking to at all.

Having patience...

The only difference between now and five years from now is nothing can be different, or everything can be different. When you have a time in your life that moves you, it could be a song on the radio or something on the television, maybe an interaction between two people that gives you a spark. That is a moment of instant happiness. It's there and then it's gone, but if you can have that, what will you do for it? I find myself obsessed lately with happiness. It is pretty clear to me that as of this moment, I have no idea how to achieve what I want in life. The real pleasure isn't in knowing that some day I can have those things though, it's in understanding how happy I'll be on the way. We are inspired daily by the greatest and sometimes, most simple things in life. The smile of the one you hold most dear, a ray of sun through the clouds, or the understanding that someone knows what you're feeling, can change everything. This is a far fetched idea, but why can't you have whatever you want? Not necessarily the things in life, those only hold the same value until you have them. What I am talking about are the joys that come along the way. Those are the things that are really important. To know you are doing something right because it's right for you. Helping someone out in a way that is great beyond measure even though to you it may have been easy. Always looking around the corner for the next happy moment with someone, or by yourself. Happiness is made, it's just up to you to figure out what makes you happy and do that. And if it hasn't happened yet, just wait, have patience. That good idea, that spark is going to come. Make everything better.

Clear intentions

I had a conversation with a friend the other day that sparked a thought. It wasn't even a new thought, but I tend to pay attention to and take notice of what this person says more than almost anyone. To keep it short, our conversation was about the relationships we keep with others. In inquiring into how one can manage so many friendships and still avoid the pitfalls of feelings, or misunderstandings she replied "Well that's easy, I'm very upfront about where I am coming from." As long as your intentions are clear, you can enter into any situation without fearing the way things will or won't turn out. The only expectations that are to be had, are the ones that are known to be acceptable. When a situation is gone about in this way, with clear expectations, any let down is only through your own fault. I've lived this way for years now, growing and learning as an adult. Lying takes too much work and when you're honest people tend open up much more. Even when you think being truthful about a situation mind hinder or harm a situation, give it a shot. You'd be amazed at how receptive a person can be to any news as long as they know it's because you don't want deception to be a part of your situation. It's amazing how well you can see people, when things are clear.

Getting started

This will be the first entry of many, I'm sure. I wasn't sure how I'd go about this whole process. I get random ideas all the time about a variety of topics and I am generally pretty relaxed about getting them down and then, they're gone. It seems to me that no matter what I'm writing about, someone is always able to relate. I suppose we are all the same in that way. No matter what anyone is going through, they will always know someone who is experiencing or has experienced it. I like to think that I am possibly just a little better at getting across what is on my mind. I hope that people read these things and relate. I hope that I can talk to someone without ever speaking to them and know them. There is nothing more comforting sometimes than a like-minded connection. Regardless of what happens, this is day one.