The downside of happiness...

Happiness is the golden ring. We all work hard, play hard, love even harder, and suffer great heartache in our quest to simply be happy. That last one though, the heartache, the downside of happiness is a reminder that real people won't always be happy.

We have dark days. We cry and curse...confused and alone. Our thoughts leave us. They go to places we forget exist, places that happiness shields us from...until it leaves us defenseless. Our smiles and positivity...kind gestures and joy spreading, they give the world around us an idea of a person that isn't completely accurate. The best of us have problems most people would never believe. We deal with things in secret. We seek out the few people we can connect to, while giving everyone else what they expect...the image.

There is a downside to happiness.

It doesn't have to control us...in those weak moments.
We don't have to suffer alone.
We can be real poeple.
To only let the world see one side of us, is to perpetrate a lie.

Sadness...hurt and loneliness, are all the downsides of happiness. They don't however, have to be negative. After all, with a little bad in our lives, we appreciate the happiness that much more.

Growing together...

It happens too often that driving down the street, looking at a picture or listening to a song, at times for a brief moment I feel completely empty. The crazy thing is that for as sad as I am for that littile bit of time, the meaning is good. To know that I need friendships, need love, and need happiness. When you don't have those things you are completely isolated and alone, but when you do have them, those brief moments of emptiness make you appreciate the good times so much more.

We are all heart broken. We all fear that life won't turn out the way want it to. We all long for the things we can't have, and don't want the things we do have. I suppose it's just human nature to be neglectful, regretful, and selfish. We spend our days passing by eachother with decieving smiles. We put people down without giving the chance to really know them. We tell people we love them just as easily as we can tell them we hate them. And even though we would like to say we do, we really don't appreciate the good people in our lives.

This is random I know and doesn't make sense to some of you, but if you understand then think about this. From time to time I think about things that you probably wouldn't think I could or would. It's not always necessary to share things with people, but in this case I think it should because even though I understand I may not always live my life the right way, I understand where I am going and eventually I will get there. I hope you someday too understand.

After you've read this, listen to this song. Don't ask me why but this song is the reason I wrote this.

http://youtu.be/B3Nnrj6i9Vk

Memories in parting (for Sandy)

Never in my life have I seen someone love so hard, or hurt so much in one moment...to cry so hard that it pains you. How do you comfort someone who is lost in a sadness? There are no words to quell the storm as the rains fall. It is upon you. My poor mother aches.

The possibility has always been around, but never been a reality, and then it happens. Even when hearing it, the idea that someone you were sharing words with hours before, has left us here. A timid, and quiet soul, always the fly on the wall, just going along for the ride - the kind of person that could battle a gambit of emotions to appear un-phased...the kind of person that you could count on to just be her.

It's no exaggeration to say that since before I could talk, before I could ever open my big mouth, Sandy knew me. Friends since I was a baby, my mother and Sandy have remained in contact over 30 years. Even though there was a chunk of years where I never saw Sandy, one day she started showing up, and she's pretty much been around ever since...ready for whatever my big mouth had to say.

Even in the quiet, strength can be found. Battling failing kidneys and diabetes, I was never surprised to overhear conversations of health and well being. Never surprised to see those two women, taking naps together like grown children. When you're with a real friend, whatever is whatever.

Writing a complete thought is somewhat of a challenge when memories come back at random, and thoughts only seem to find you when you have no way to record them.

If you really think about it, our lives are like ideas missed. We spend our lives waiting for these moments to happen. Our successes and joys, anticipating things that will soon be memories, hoping to capture every detail. Regardless if it's 6 years or 60 years, our lives are over in a flash. No matter how long any of us have to live, we're gone too soon. Like those great ideas that come and go before you know it...before it could be kept.

Imagine a good sleep. Think about a time when you were so tired, you don't even remember falling asleep. You awoke with more energy than any supplement could provide. There was clarity and drive in every thought, and you just felt...good. Imagine how happy you are in those moments. I imagine your passing to be like that. You don't even know it happened. A good sleep has fallen upon you.

Sleep well Sandy.