Never in my life have I seen someone love so hard, or hurt so much in one moment...to cry so hard that it pains you. How do you comfort someone who is lost in a sadness? There are no words to quell the storm as the rains fall. It is upon you. My poor mother aches.
The possibility has always been around, but never been a reality, and then it happens. Even when hearing it, the idea that someone you were sharing words with hours before, has left us here. A timid, and quiet soul, always the fly on the wall, just going along for the ride - the kind of person that could battle a gambit of emotions to appear un-phased...the kind of person that you could count on to just be her.
It's no exaggeration to say that since before I could talk, before I could ever open my big mouth, Sandy knew me. Friends since I was a baby, my mother and Sandy have remained in contact over 30 years. Even though there was a chunk of years where I never saw Sandy, one day she started showing up, and she's pretty much been around ever since...ready for whatever my big mouth had to say.
Even in the quiet, strength can be found. Battling failing kidneys and diabetes, I was never surprised to overhear conversations of health and well being. Never surprised to see those two women, taking naps together like grown children. When you're with a real friend, whatever is whatever.
Writing a complete thought is somewhat of a challenge when memories come back at random, and thoughts only seem to find you when you have no way to record them.
If you really think about it, our lives are like ideas missed. We spend our lives waiting for these moments to happen. Our successes and joys, anticipating things that will soon be memories, hoping to capture every detail. Regardless if it's 6 years or 60 years, our lives are over in a flash. No matter how long any of us have to live, we're gone too soon. Like those great ideas that come and go before you know it...before it could be kept.
Imagine a good sleep. Think about a time when you were so tired, you don't even remember falling asleep. You awoke with more energy than any supplement could provide. There was clarity and drive in every thought, and you just felt...good. Imagine how happy you are in those moments. I imagine your passing to be like that. You don't even know it happened. A good sleep has fallen upon you.
Sleep well Sandy.
I like this one.
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